Season 13
Treehouse of Horror XII
die.mp3
Lenny: Carl, let me die first. I couldn't bare to watch you die.
Carl: Well.. okay but hurry up.
jesus.mp3
Carl: You know, I was hexed by a troll and a leprechaun cured that right up.
Lenny: Hey you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like.. 6 leprechauns!
Carl: Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with the leprechaun.
Homer the Moe
words.mp3
Carl: Gee uh, when you talk about that school your voice fills with uuh.. what do you call it, human feeling.
Lenny: Yeah maybe you should um.. what's the expression? Go back there!
Moe: What's the word I'm searching for uummm... Yeah!
dumbasses.mp3
Homer: You're always pointing that shotgun at us.
Lenny: And calling us dumbasses.
Carl: Which we are so not.
rem.mp3
Homer: (singing) Leonoid whatsis name. Herman Munster Motorcade. Birthday party Cheetos. Pogo sticks and Lemonade. You symbiotic stupid jerk, that's right Flanders, I am talking about you!
Lenny: How'd you get REM to play in your garage?
Homer: I told them it was a benefit. They think they're saving the rainforest!
Carl: Suckers!!
A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
winner.mp3
Lenny: You are a real winner. Whew. That fortune really nailed me.. and my winning ways.
Homer: (laughs)
The Blunder Years
moron.mp3
Lenny: Only a moron would jump into tha..
Homer: Geronimooooooooooooooooh my god! (Lands in the mud and starts crying)
Moe: ..And there's your watchamacall repressed trauma. I mean, who likes getting muddy. It's terrible. Okay, lets go to Moe's now.
snugness.mp3
Carl: Hey you know what I'm looking forward to? The future. Have you heard about this inter-net thing?
Lenny: Internet?
Carl: Yeah it's the inner netting they invented to line swim trunks. It provides a comforting snugness.
name.mp3
Carl: Could you imagine us working there? The whole Carl Crew?
Lenny: Hey I thought we were called Lenny And The Jets?
Moe: Ah you're both wrong. We're the Moe Syzlac Experience featuring Homer.
naptime.mp3
Homer: (Screaming)
Marge: Oh no!
Carl: Sorry Mrs S, he kinda disrupted things at work!
Lenny: Yeah he ruined naptime and quiet time.
She of Little Faith
buddah.mp3
Lenny: Who's Buddah?
Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddaism teaches freedom from desire, because I've got the desire to kick your ass!
meatball.mp3
Richard Gere: We all have dreams. Mine is of a free Tibet.
Lisa: That would be so great..
Lenny: I dream about meatball sandwiches. All you can eat for two bucks!
Richard Gere: Good luck..
shortshorts.mp3
Lenny: Who likes short shorts?
Carl: I like short shorts.
Richard Gere: Those guys are way off...
Sweets and Sour Marge
pearls.mp3
Lenny: Hey, I found some pearls! Oh wait.. they're just my teeth. Oh well, I can still make a necklace out of them.
Half-Decent Proposal
hockey.mp3
Homer: Wait, you really think Marge is gonna fall for this guy? Even after I bought her that hockey fight tape!?
Carl: I'd dump your ass!
Lenny: Me too!
Moe: Yeah, I can't get Artie out of my head. He's like a spy in the house of Moe.
Homer: Oh god, you're right! I've gotta get her back before it's too late!
forever.mp3
Homer: Lenny, how would you like to leave town with me and never come back?
Lenny: Sounds like a plan!
Homer: Then it's settled! We leave Springfield forever! :the two walk out the door, while Carl comes out from the Men's room:
Carl: What did I miss, anything good?
carlmore.mp3
Lenny: I know what you're going through. We're coming up to Mount Carlmore. I carved that one wonderful summer.
Homer: What did Carl think?
Lenny: You know, we've never discussed it.
pointless.mp3
Homer: This job will be perfect. I'm gonna leave this world the way I entered it. Dirty, screaming, and torn away from the woman I love.
Lenny: Quick and pointless, that's the death for me.
helicopter.mp3
Artie: You own Marge's heart, and that's something I could never buy.
Homer: Woohoo! :climbs ladder, looks back for Lenny:
Lenny: There's nothing on that helicopter for me!
Carl: Don't be so sure!
Lenny: :gasps: Carl Carlson!
Jaws Wired Shut
ancient.mp3
Duffman: What beverage, brewed since ancient times, is made from hops and grains?
Lenny: How about... ancient hop-grain juice? ::::Hear muffled 'beer'::::
Moe: Wait, Homer's trying to make a guess. :::more muffles and then Homer turns on tap:: Hey, what're you doing? You're getting some kinda booze all over me...
Duffman: Time's up! The answer is 'beer'.. Ooo.. Duff-luck..
Carl: I never would've figured that out.
Lenny: That's the kinda thing you just gotta know..
duffman.mp3
Duffman: Hey, dufflovers. Does anyone in this bar love duff?
Carl: Hey, it's Duffman!
Lenny: Newsweek said you died of liver failure...
Duffman: Duffman can never die. Only the actors that portray him. Oh yeah!
Weekend at Burnsie's
intervention.mp3
Lenny: We were gonna have an intervention.
Carl: Yeah, but at the planning party, I got alcohol poisoning. ::laughs:: I nearly died! ::laughs::
Moe: I was already making excuses not to go to your funeral! ::laughs::
I Am Furious Yellow
hulk.mp3
Homer: HOMER SMASH! GET REVENGE ON WORLD!
Lenny: Look! It's the incredible hulk!
The Frying Game
horrible.mp3
Lenny: I just can't believe a man we sat and drank with all these years could do such a horrible thing...
Moe: We've all got that voice in our heads telling us to kill.. we've just got to drown it out.. (nervously sings)
muhammad.mp3
Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali in his prime, was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus diet pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again!
